Rose wondered idly if the Doctor had trouble sharing things with himself. Probably. Especially since there wasn't much he could share with himself, and trying to keep paths from crossing was a thing that Must Be Done.
She stared into her tea and idly stirred it, thinking harder. Not a Time Lord, but certainly knew the Doctor and what he was. Past, future, present, but distant? River was definitely good at being opaque. To protect the Doctor, and thus all of space and time, wasn't it?
She stirred the tea more, thinking harder. "I don't want his heart," she mumbled quietly. "Or hearts. Either of them, yeah."
To be fair, Rose wasn't completely sure what she wanted either. Part of that taking life as it came thing. She wanted adventures. To take life as it came. She wasn't sure if that was asking too much or not.
But she was definitely not good at sharing the Doctor. She could barely do it with Jack, and even then it was only because... it was Jack. She loved Jack. And he'd have died for either of them or both of them, and she could have trusted Jack with anything in all of the universe. Even, begrudgingly, the Doctor.
Still, she hadn't really been able to share Mickey with the Doctor or vice versa. Their strange sort of rivalry-friendship notwithstanding, she'd asked him to take Mickey once, and then when he did take him along, it was almost to break them up even more. She was still sorry to see Mickey go, to see him take Ricky's place in her Dad's cyberman alternate universe, but... It had gotten simpler in some ways after that. Just her and the Doctor. And the TARDIS. Which wasn't here in Nautilus, but forever in Rose & the Doctor's thoughts and if they found her again... no. When they found her again, they'd travel again, surely.
Rose quietly sipped her tea, trying to focus on the sweetness instead of the bitter resentment the petty sides of her were trying oh so desperately not to hold onto, and failing miserably.
Her first night in Nautilus, the Doctor had refused to even let her of his grip, and had fallen asleep right on her shoulder, and it wasn't like Rose thought it would stay that way forever but...
She couldn't pretend to know how to handle this particular turn of events.
"What if he doesn't recognize you?" she asked softly, sipping her tea, but studying River just beneath her lashes.
The Danger sense hadn't left yet, but she was pretty sure if the Doctor knew River... if he wanted to give her his heart, er... metaphorically speaking; it better not be literal or Rose would bite her throat out -- then that wouldn't be much up to Rose.
Adventures. She'd finally found the adventures she'd always longed for, the romantic sense of danger, of living a better life, and...
Okay, so she wasn't willing to give that up just yet. But she'd figure something out.
It wasn't like they were...
Not like...
Rose folded her arms on the table and rested her head in them, completely unabashed by the obvious weakness she was displaying in front of the possible enemy.
Girlish foolishness. She'd gotten out of school early, gotten engaged to Jimmy Stone for the stupidest of reasons; because he was a rocker in a band, and she really believed in him and his daft schemes, and that had worked out oh so fantastically when he ran off to Amsterdam with his new girlfriend, sorry, fiance: Noosh, and so Rose had missed her A-levels and all because it had seemed oh so adventurous at the time.
It wasn't right of her to lead on Mickey, especially not after spending a whole year under suspect for her murder, but she couldn't pretend she'd still felt the same after traveling the stars, after finding the adventure she'd always craved, couldn't pretend that doing anything else wouldn't just be settling, denying what she really wanted, in order to try to satisfy everyone else but herself.
She took a deep breath, sat up with a resigned expression, and chugged the rest of her tea in one go like it was a shot glass.
She wasn't going to pretend that it could work out. Her and the Doctor, forever and ever, like Rose wanted. Time Travel, and yet... He was a crazy old space alien and she was... the one and only Rose Tyler, that was who. And she'd be damned, if she'd ever feel inferior to a brave, wonderful, but daft git in a box and --
No, but seriously. He was 900-something years old, and his body changed and... well, he was actually running out of regenerations, wasn't he?
So...
No wait, that wasn't the point.
The point was, it was up to the Doctor. And Rose sure as hell wasn't going to fight over who loved the Doctor more, not with anyone, because that was just ridiculous. She could never be in another person's head, and more importantly... The Doctor would be so very unlikely to allow himself to fall in love with a human because of all the messed up complications, and really, really, all Rose wanted was to spend the rest of her life on adventures and protecting him because he protected everyone else ever, and so few people ever even knew it, and that was just too sad, and someone had to protect him, even from everything whether it was daleks, or loneliness, or his own good intentions. Except what if someone actually could do that after Rose was gone? No, Rose would never leave.
She clenched her hands tightly on her tea mug only to discover with some disappointment: she was out of tea.
lmao I'm so sorry River
She stared into her tea and idly stirred it, thinking harder. Not a Time Lord, but certainly knew the Doctor and what he was. Past, future, present, but distant? River was definitely good at being opaque. To protect the Doctor, and thus all of space and time, wasn't it?
She stirred the tea more, thinking harder. "I don't want his heart," she mumbled quietly. "Or hearts. Either of them, yeah."
To be fair, Rose wasn't completely sure what she wanted either. Part of that taking life as it came thing. She wanted adventures. To take life as it came. She wasn't sure if that was asking too much or not.
But she was definitely not good at sharing the Doctor. She could barely do it with Jack, and even then it was only because... it was Jack. She loved Jack. And he'd have died for either of them or both of them, and she could have trusted Jack with anything in all of the universe. Even, begrudgingly, the Doctor.
Still, she hadn't really been able to share Mickey with the Doctor or vice versa. Their strange sort of rivalry-friendship notwithstanding, she'd asked him to take Mickey once, and then when he did take him along, it was almost to break them up even more. She was still sorry to see Mickey go, to see him take Ricky's place in her Dad's cyberman alternate universe, but... It had gotten simpler in some ways after that. Just her and the Doctor. And the TARDIS. Which wasn't here in Nautilus, but forever in Rose & the Doctor's thoughts and if they found her again... no. When they found her again, they'd travel again, surely.
Rose quietly sipped her tea, trying to focus on the sweetness instead of the bitter resentment the petty sides of her were trying oh so desperately not to hold onto, and failing miserably.
Her first night in Nautilus, the Doctor had refused to even let her of his grip, and had fallen asleep right on her shoulder, and it wasn't like Rose thought it would stay that way forever but...
She couldn't pretend to know how to handle this particular turn of events.
"What if he doesn't recognize you?" she asked softly, sipping her tea, but studying River just beneath her lashes.
The Danger sense hadn't left yet, but she was pretty sure if the Doctor knew River... if he wanted to give her his heart, er... metaphorically speaking; it better not be literal or Rose would bite her throat out -- then that wouldn't be much up to Rose.
Adventures. She'd finally found the adventures she'd always longed for, the romantic sense of danger, of living a better life, and...
Okay, so she wasn't willing to give that up just yet. But she'd figure something out.
It wasn't like they were...
Not like...
Rose folded her arms on the table and rested her head in them, completely unabashed by the obvious weakness she was displaying in front of the possible enemy.
Girlish foolishness. She'd gotten out of school early, gotten engaged to Jimmy Stone for the stupidest of reasons; because he was a rocker in a band, and she really believed in him and his daft schemes, and that had worked out oh so fantastically when he ran off to Amsterdam with his new girlfriend, sorry, fiance: Noosh, and so Rose had missed her A-levels and all because it had seemed oh so adventurous at the time.
It wasn't right of her to lead on Mickey, especially not after spending a whole year under suspect for her murder, but she couldn't pretend she'd still felt the same after traveling the stars, after finding the adventure she'd always craved, couldn't pretend that doing anything else wouldn't just be settling, denying what she really wanted, in order to try to satisfy everyone else but herself.
She took a deep breath, sat up with a resigned expression, and chugged the rest of her tea in one go like it was a shot glass.
She wasn't going to pretend that it could work out. Her and the Doctor, forever and ever, like Rose wanted. Time Travel, and yet... He was a crazy old space alien and she was... the one and only Rose Tyler, that was who. And she'd be damned, if she'd ever feel inferior to a brave, wonderful, but daft git in a box and --
No, but seriously. He was 900-something years old, and his body changed and... well, he was actually running out of regenerations, wasn't he?
So...
No wait, that wasn't the point.
The point was, it was up to the Doctor. And Rose sure as hell wasn't going to fight over who loved the Doctor more, not with anyone, because that was just ridiculous. She could never be in another person's head, and more importantly... The Doctor would be so very unlikely to allow himself to fall in love with a human because of all the messed up complications, and really, really, all Rose wanted was to spend the rest of her life on adventures and protecting him because he protected everyone else ever, and so few people ever even knew it, and that was just too sad, and someone had to protect him, even from everything whether it was daleks, or loneliness, or his own good intentions. Except what if someone actually could do that after Rose was gone? No, Rose would never leave.
She clenched her hands tightly on her tea mug only to discover with some disappointment: she was out of tea.
Oh right, she'd drank it all in one go.
Rose got up to get some more.