gotosleep_idiot | September & October Test Drive

"Even if this is early for you, you're still old enough to handle this task," she said, a brow raised. She didn't answer if this was her forcing her, or asking her, however.

"You see, this place is outside of time as we know it. Whole other plane of reality, and all that other pretty verbiage you've always loved so. And within this place? Your younger selves, one specifically, has been making quite the mess. I've spent countless millennia picking up after your messes, Doctor. Really, the least you could do is pitch in."

"That sounds like a force. I remember Clara, Ashildr," Thirteen said. Her words are simple, direct. She's not sure if this should be her usual style, but she also doesn't want another Clara.

She doesn't react otherwise. Younger selves? Maybe its one of those adventures. As is, she's never once ran into this face as far as she can remember. If it was one of those, it was best to let it run its course. It worked out, whatever it was. She certainly trusted herself than Me. Especially a Me who didn't ask for help.

So she picked another pile and started to search through it.

The Doctor was one of the few who knew Me well enough to see the fury that flashed in her eyes, for just a moment, before she hit it again.

The ground shifted putting a wall of stone between the Doctor and the pile she had turned towards.

"Let us make a few things clear here, Doctor," she said, coldly. "One of those is that I have never and will never forget Clara."

She undid her top button and showed the mark of the Quantum Shade which had returned to her during that conversation with Three. So soon after both that, and Clara's grave, all the graves, appearing? She could not tolerate that, even if it had been said just to get a reaction.

"The other," she said, walking closer, forcing herself to keep her steps measured and slow, her face clear of emotions, "is that Ashildr is dead, Doctor. She has been dead for far longer than you have been alive, all of your faces together. Ashildr died, all that is left is Me. You did not save Ashildr, you created Me in her body instead." She had come to some very hard truths, here.

"No, but I did. I forgot all about her. And I missed her. So much so that the memory of another friend could have let me see anyone. Anyone in the whole universe...and she knew. She knew who I wanted to see again. Whose testimony I wanted to see," she said, tapping the wall, before leaning close to sniff it. Not even looking at Me.

"And no. No, Ashildr isn't dead. Ashildr's a part of you. Just as all my faces are a part of me. Even the bits I don't like. And the bits I love. Doesn't matter how old you get. Doesn't matter how many names or faces you get. They're always a part of you. Just a small part. And since you don't let in the big parts so easily, those small parts become big parts, no matter how long it's been since you've been them," she said and turned to another pile. "It's what you never got, Me, no matter how old you got."

Right. The Doctor had. Honestly, at the time Me hadn't been sure if it had worked at all or if it had been one of the Doctor's many lies. Then her time here had made Me forget all about it. She'd had other things on her mind. But the Doctor had forgotten? And remembered now? Well... that was... something.

The wall smelled like the ground under it had, so given this was a junkyard, probably fairly metallic.

"No, she is dead. She is not like your past faces, Doctor. I do not regenerate like you. Like River. Like Missy. Ashildr died. Hr body, her mind, all that she was died. You forced life back into the shell, into that body, with that Mire patch. And I was created to fill that shell. I tried to be Ashildr for a while, perhaps. But I have learned since that doing so was much the same as reducing all that she was to nothingness. She lived, she was brave, and she died for the people she loved. And in the end?"

"It did nothing, Doctor. Her love saved them for a time. Mine could not. Because I was not Ashildr. It just took me a while to realize that. Now that I know it, I will not trivialize her death, or my life, by allowing you, Rose, or ANYONE call me by her name. I am not you, Doctor. And I would not be, if I could."

"And that's why you're miserable," she said, picking up another piece, looking it over and tossing it aside. "You lie to yourself. No one is happy living in lies. Gotta have a little truth, you know. Lie to yourself, need friends to counter it. But lie to yourself and live alone? That's pure misery," she said.

"You've been trying to be me for a really long time. You can see it how you say you clean up my messes, how you lie and run, how you try to control me," she said and finally looked over. She pointed with a spatula at the writing on her clothes. "Trying to play Time Lady, right there. You can lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I've done it a long time and I think I'm a bit tired of it. Tired of misery."

She tossed the spatula and begun to climb. "A Time Lord changes, that's pure biology, but things stick. Mire doesn't make new souls. You're Ashildr and Me and try to pretend you're someone without understanding why I am who I am, the one truth of every life."

"If I am miserable, Doctor, it is not your job to fix that. And I do not recall ever telling you that happiness was a requirement of mine. And I am very much not trying to be you, or trying to play Time Lady, though there is perhaps some amusement in the fact that there is someone here who thinks I am, but truly ought to know better." That Romana thought she was the Master still, with one of the Master's faces here, oh she was looking forward to when he found out that bit. One of the small games she'd come to amuse herself with.

"You were there when the choice was made that I was to clean up after you, Doctor. Your chance to tell me not to was then, back when I was still young enough your words and opinions might have swayed me. Back when you could have taken Me with you, keeping me from being able to be used against you on Trapp Street." She was watching her now. Judging her reactions. "But I have plans in the work to fix that little error as we speak, worry not."

Well, Thirteen? Will you allow Me to plan a paradox to save Clara from the Raven and you from torture, or will you, like Three, explode and try and stop her? Her face was a bland and bored mask, but she really was interested to see how this Doctor would respond to that.

"Do you really not listen to yourself? I swear, you could compete with Missy with your obsession with me. But at least she can admit that's what she does," Thirteen said, rifling through more parts. "You have also not once made a plan like that without it going completely off the rails and making things worse for yourself. You have noticed that, right? Literally the only time it ended well was when you listened to me."

She shrugged. "Then you ignored the mayflies and got worse again. I tried to clean you up several times. At this point, you're either going to burn or get a clue. If Missy can, you can. Call me when you do. But seriously, you've built your life around me. I can't even be afraid of your plans because I know they're going to blow up. Its better to keep away for the safety of my companions."

Of course, she probably wouldn't, but she knows Me. She wants a reaction. Thirteen won't give it.

"My obsession with you?" she said with a harsh bark of laughter. "That is at the core of you, isn't it? That ego. You would think you'd have eventually seen the better of it. You pick up the mayflies and the smoke, and you make yourself the center of their worlds, you destroy their lives, their families, you dance about the ruins of worlds, and think you are doing them all a great service. Because everytime you start to see? Every time you start to realize that perhaps you are not who you think you are? You go and sulk for a short time, then push it away and pretend that never happened. You keep lying to yourself, as you even admitted, and to what end? You think I am obsessed with you because I had, for a time, the moral center you thought you had. Because you have a way of helping people that is huge, dramatic, and strokes your ego, then you leave. You leave a mess larger than the one that was there before you arrive. And you just presume that Me, that Unit, that Torchwood, that we'll all clean up for you, and when we fail? You rail about humans and how you'll never be done saving them, and turn it into another showcase for your ego, Doctor."

"And I have made a great many plans that lasted as long as the mayflies they affected did, and went well. If you wish to compare disasters, Doctor, please, let us do so. Because I know a great many of yours. But how many of my plans do you know at all? You made Me immortal, then went off on your own, checking in here and there, but not because you cared. Never that. How many times have we met, Doctor, between when you created Me and when I arrived here? How many of those times had you actually intended to seek me out?"

"Think what you wish, Doctor, but I have long since realized that your only care for Me has ever been about your ego. But my sense of self? Has nothing to do with you, Doctor, and has not for a very long time. I assure you, I have since learned better. I have learned what the companions of yours who survive you have learned. That once you leave, they cannot count on you anymore. Can't trust you. And they start to wonder if they ever could. Because we both know that you could have gone back for so many of them, couldn't you?" She was still boiling over what Three told her about Rose. About what Ten and Rose had happily let Me think. About a lot with Ten, honestly.

"But I will happily tell Missy that you think she's turned around. Of course, she's not quite Missy just yet, but I think that he'll find your assessment quite entertaining."

"As for keeping threats away from your companions, Doctor? That line of thought does generally lead to you abandoning them. Doesn't it?"

"That depends on the Companions. My new friends know what they're getting into. And they know I can fail. I think the TARDIS decided on a good trial method," she said, a fond smile on her face. Almost stranded and saw grief and still there.

Unpleasant, but perhaps necessary.

"But fine. You're not obsessed with me. Then..." She waved a hand dismissively. "You can just ignore all the Doctor problems. If you want help, ask for it. Otherwise, according to you, I'm nothing to you so there's no reason for you to bother me. I have a thing to make."

She can find out what Me is going on about on her own time, but it seems like dismissing her is driving her crazy. It may be better to do that. Eventually she'll either snap or actually listen instead of talking. After all, she's not saying anything about the Doctor she hasn't told herself. This was about Me deflecting her issues.

She needs to face them and this is Thirteen's best idea so far.

She laughed. Actually laughed. It was not a pleasant sound/

"I can just ignore all the Doctor problems?" Another chilling laugh. "Doctor, you haven't the slightest idea what this place has been like. Your other selves, and Rose Tyler have sunk roots into this world, everyone who lives here suffers under Doctor problems. I could sooner ignore the air itself. You want me to ignore the Doctor problems? I would be pleased to do so, just as soon as you clean up the mess so that we may."

Which... did remind her about the one thing she'd worried about any Doctor after the bowtie one showing up. Clara had kept the secret, as Me knew she would. But this Doctor? She might tell the others what Me's diner truly was. Well, if she did, she would move her Tardis somewhere else, she'd have to find a way to hide it.

Thankfully, she's read the manual, she does know how to use the chameleon circuit, and maybe she could save the diner front as an interior room, perhaps next to Clara's. Still, she'd very much rather Ten and Rose never learn she had a Tardis. For that matter, she'd rather the Master not know either. Or River, if it came to that.

Considering all Me has done is demand she fix something her other selves did without mention of any actual issues and nothing has exploded, she's more than sure this is a personal problem. Or the Master is doing something, but since she's focused on her...himself? Oh pronouns. She's focused on the Doctor, either her oldest friend is doing something....

Or this is Me issues.

And she's still not hearing a request for help.

She's sure if things are dire, she'll find out what it is soon. If nothing else, if Rose Tyler and thw Master is here, she'll need to see for herself. For now, she must be kind. Even if she can't be nice.

So she simply does not respond. Searching through parts until she finds something to bring to her pile and then return to her search.

Edited 2018-11-02 08:26 (UTC)

"Well, if nothing else, at least the network might be interesting for the next while. I ought to thank you for that." But she wouldn't. "Oh, and do have fun with the purple butterflies," that last was said with a nasty edge as she turned on her heel, fully intending to walk off if the Doctor had nothing more to say.

Though the temptation to send the Doctor to the All Blue or the Agreste house asking after Rose was strong. Terribly so. The Agreste house, of the two. That would be more entertaining than simply confusing a few people....

The Doctor indeed had nothing more to say. She'd investigate what was said on her own time and see if it was a problem, or if its Me playing games. She had no intention to be pulked into another Raven scenario.

Too often Me's manipulations hurt soneone who wasn't the Doctor and she refused to let it happen again. If Me wanted something, she had to ask. No lies, no schemes, just the truth. It was the only way to hope the fallout falls on her alone.

It was not nice, but it was the kindest thing she could do. Offer help when asked and not risk her anger.

Edited 2018-11-03 06:08 (UTC)

She walked off then, deciding she would need to start making plans for moving her Tardis, and how she would keep it from being obviously her Tardis once word got out, even with the Chameleon Circuit running. Presuming, of course, she was correct and now knew how to make it work....

September & October Test Drive

Re: We really need to see Thrteen against a thing the Doctor could nope at honestly

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Fun TDM thread!!! TY!