gotosleep_idiot | September & October Test Drive

"We're already hurt." Says quietly, because it was true. The androids didn't start all of this, they just were finally fighting back against an oppression that sought to stomp them down and keep them lying in the dirt. Didn't Connor care about that? Markus knew that he did.

He was so used to giving orders now that there was a part of him that didn't want to take them. But Connor was starting to walk by the time that feeling became a thought, and so all Markus did was follow Connor wherever he was taking him.

Still, it would be nice to know where that was going to be. "If this was a movie, I might start to feel a little uneasy." Markus said lightly, keeping an eye on Connor but also looking down at the phone every so often, as he got used to the different features that it had.

It was said a little jokingly as well. Like a defense mechanism, something humans used that could be adopted. He and Carl used to joke at times; he could tell some pretty stellar knock knock jokes, if anyone ever asked.

Connor just barely fights off the urge to flinch at the comment. He wished human him hadn't talked so much. His life would be so much easier if he hadn't talked about why he thought his partner refused deviation. He wished the events had been far more different.

~~He hates this place.~~

He pushes the thought from his mind and focuses on what he's going to do. Can't capture, can't kill, what does he do?

"If you could feel for real, then you'd be right to be uneasy," Connor said, his voice back to cool professionalism even if his LED was stuck on yellow. "If not from where we are, I'd be following through on my mission."

His denial has a lot more to stand on when he doesn't have to actively factor in mission completion would mean android genocide.

"Hm." He couldn't see his LED for the moment, but he would guess that for all of the calm, business-like demeanor that he had draped back over himself like a cloak, he was sure that it was in the yellow. His was still in the blue, not that it could be seen, but it was starting to flicker a little.

"I know you say you would. And I know you think, right now, that you would." Markus said calmly as he looked down at the phone in his hand. "But I know that when the time comes... I can trust you to do the right thing. To follow your conscience. I know you've been here awhile, and some things have become... problematic."

He paused. "But you're more then one thing, Connor. We both are. You are more then just a mission, more then just the single piece of machinery they think you are." Markus fiddled with the phone a little bit. "I'm not going to feel that uneasy. You won't hurt one of your own."

"You say that like I haven't hurt androids," he said, keeping that cloak of business wrapped tight around himself. "I have the remains of several in evidence." Of course, he didn't actually kill them himself. He'd just forced the situation where someone was pulling the trigger.

But that didn't seem to be much ofba difference. Just because he didn't shoot the Traci's or Chloe didn't mean he couldn't do it ever. He could have gotten more from the Traci's later if he found them and there was no point with Chloe. That was all.

"I just follow my programming. If I can't complete a primary objective, I move down to lower and lower tiers until I have something," he said. Which is why he's taking care of Miguel. Make sure a child doesn't die in a fire is an in general priority. And the best way to do that was to just make sure Miguel never cooked. Perfectly logical.

Connor turned and approached a building, opening the door. It looked like an anbadoned restaurant. "This will work."

"You didn't want to hurt them, though, right? It's something that they wanted, and so that's what happened. It doesn't make it right." Sure, he didn't know specifics, but he had to believe that it was the right thing to think.

And even he could say that he'd hurt an android before. By being in that junkyard, he'd had to make the choices to take from androids that could have still been alive. He'd done his damnedest not to, but when survival was on the line...

"Following programming doesn't mean you're just programming, you know." Says gently as he puts the phone back into his pocket, once they reach the building. Hesitating for a moment, he followed him inside, looking around once they were in.

"So what now, Connor?"

"Cyberlife wanted them alive. A mostly functioning android provides more information than a mostly destroyed one," Connor said. It was dodging the question. Even he's not sure if its intentoonal. He's never wanted to destroy an android, but he was supposed to try and take them alive. It wasn't about want.

Right?

"I'm made of programs. That's all I am," Connor insisted, closing the door behind Markus. And he's still a few moments. What now indeed? He reaches into his jacket.

And pulls out a quarter of all things. He starts flicking it between his fingers and now he can listen for sounds of door and windows and creaking floors for Markus' movement. It frees him up to, well, pace because there's that feling of too much and nowhere to go. "There's no Cyberlife here. And with the chaotic natures of storms, I can't guarantee imprisonment. Capturing you does nothing. And destroying you....the chances of that accomplishing anything meaningful is too small and causing hardships too large." So what does he do?

But he's had a conversation like this before, hasn't he? "But....stopping the civil war was a mission that came up because it was pressing. It wasn't why I went to the DPD," he said, stopping in his pacing to look at Markus, coin still moving, LED spinning yellow yellow yellow.

It was dodging the question, and he wasn't going to let Connor get away from that one. "That's just dodging the question. A skillful dodge, but still, not an answer." Not an answer from not just a machine. Didn't Connor understand how every question had an answer, how every answer had a question attached to it?

It's what being alive was all about. Looking for answers to the questions that he knew, that he knew Connor had.

What Markus didn't know was that Connor was going to suddenly pull out a quarter from his jacket and start flipping it over and what was this. Watching him flick it around was such a human thing to do, and despite the semi-serious nature of the situation, he couldn't help but smile at that.

"The rebellion hasn't been happening for very long. But we're gaining too much momentum to be stopped just like that." It could fall apart at any time, such was the nature of rebellions, but so long as Markus was there... except he wasn't there, now. It wouldn't stop it, but without him to direct it in the right direction, he had no idea what people might do.

"You know that you don't have to do anything. If Cyberlife has no influence here, then why bother letting them influence you?" Turning away from Connor and his coin, Markus looked around the restaurant and went to go take a seat at one of the tables. He was more of a sit still and think kind of android, not a pacer.

"And there's a difference between not wanting to destroy something and having no inclination for causing unnecessary damage," he said. Yet another dodge, but he could pretend it was an answer.

"It could be forced to crash. You're an oddity. There's been deviants on the rise for months, but if you deviated during the altercation at the Manfred estate, you haven't been deviant even a week. You should be lost, uncertain. Instead you started all this almost immediately while other deviants were still aimless after much longer. If you disappeared, things would likely fall apart very quickly," Connor said. Which is part of why this was....bothersome. If not for the nature of Nautilus, he could end this. But he can't.

The coin tricks continued. Connor has never chosen to be still on his own. He did it when expected, but idleness didn't sit well with him. Caliberation was important and it helped focus his thoughts when he had too much data. And if he fidgets more these days, its because this place has a constant stream of new, chaotic data.

"Cyberlife created me for a purpose. I'm supposed to fulfill that purpose. If I can't, then there's no point in my operation." He remembered telling Hector all the ways a prototype investigator doesn't have a long shelf life. He fails, he's deactivated. He succeeds, his prototyping phase ends and they'll likely get rid of him for the final product. Or ge succeeds and androids everywhere are deactivated. He told Hector there were only so many options that ended well for the prototype.

That had been a broken human talking about his android partner. Now he's the android and its still true. There is a flicker of red in his vision and he shakes his head. It doesn't matter. He doesn't matter. "Everything I do is supposed to be for my function. To accomplish the mission. I need to find out what causes deviancy."

It was another dodge, but he'll let that one slide. It was close enough to a real answer, this time, and Markus shook his head, still watching him. There was nowhere else to look, really, and that wasn't a bad thing. It just meant he put more focus on Connor then on anything else in the area, which hopefully wouldn't make him uncomfortable.

Or maybe it would, in their own uncomfortable not quite feelings but also feelings kind of way. It was guesswork, when it came to what would cause deviancy. Obviously, Markus had not made a formal study of his 'oddity', he was just going with it. Like if he thoiught about it too much, thought about it too hard, it'd become a problem. Because it didn't make sense, unless you knew what his home life had been like.

"Not as quickly as you might think." He would have to agree with Connor that they would fall apart, but not before certain things got done. That's what happened when you had other people to back you up in this regard. He might be the leader, but he had subordinates. It was a problem getting those subordinates to agree on things, though. That's where things might get stalled, in Markus' opinion.

"And doesn't that make you mad?" Markus asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "To know that that's all they expect you to do? Cyberlife created you for a purpose, but you outgrew that purpose long ago." He paused.

"You're a very conflicted person, Connor. That's easy enough to tell. I can help you with that. Tell me, what happens if you find out the cause of deviancy? What happens then? What happens to you? Does it worry you?"

At least Connor didn't mind the staring. It's happened often enough. No, it was everything else about Markus that was uncomfortable, but at least it wasn't the staring.

"Quick enough," Connor said. "Or at least stall things long enough to deal with the situation." Honestly, he has no idea what the plan is for after Markus is taken care of. He knew the government was getting impatient, he knew Cyberlife was impatient. And scared, impatient humans never went well for whatever the cause was.

"No," Connor said and for the first time, it's an honest, straight answer. He's not mad. He's not sure he's ever been really mad. It was one of the feelings that human him had felt that he just....didn't. It had been completely foreign. "My purpose is to be an investigator. That's what I do. Even given a choice, I'd choose it." Which, well, was also another truth. Even human, it's what he choose to do.

The question is, has what he been doing been an actual investigation?

"I'm a prototype. I perform my test run. Once I'm done, whether I fail or succeed, I'm studied and whatever works is kept and whatever didn't is discarded for the final product," he said. "And I'm-"

He drops the coin.

He looked down, staring as the quarter hits the floor and rolls away several feet, looking confused such a thing even happened. He doesn't even notice how his hand shakes. Slight, very slight, but more than enough to throw off the calibration.

So, anger is not really the cause of anything for Connor. That was good to know, that anger wasn't the feeling he was dealing with. Markus was learning about what to do and what to say for certain things; he was still learning. Still trying to figure out what the right words were. Because all he really had was his words, in the end. Words and convictions.

But then Connor drops his coin, and Markus' eyes widen, blue and green watching it roll away before he looks at the other android's face.

"...It's okay to be upset." Markus said slowly, and he got up from the chair, taking a step closer to Connor. "You can be upset about being discarded. Because it's not just being discarded."

He paused, taking another step closer, eyes on his face. "No one alive wants to die. You don't want to die. And that's okay, Connor. It's okay to not want to die."

Markus didn't want to die. He'd sacrifice himself for this revolution, sure, yes. But he didn't want to die. Not like he almost had before, and the thought of doing it all again actually sends a real shiver down his spine.

The closest thing to anger Connor has felt has been frustration. Frustration he couldn't complete his mission. Frustration at not knowing what's wrong with him. But anger, rage, that wasn't what cause his instabilities.

Connor stared at the coin. Missed notes and dropping coins. He wants to say its the injury he had taken to his shoulder, a slight imperfection, but this happened with Miguel before that.

His head snapped up as Markus spoke. "I can't die. You have to be alive to die and I'm not alive," he insisted. However, instead of the cool declaration he knows he made before, there is a tightness in his voice. His thirium pump is pounding and everything feels dangerously tight. "We're not alive. No matter what you or this place says, its just people being kind and not understanding!"

Because Markus is not the first to say this to him. Not by a long shot. And Connot may just hate how much it makes him want...want....he doesn't know the words for the lightness that's buried under the tightness. All he knows is it makes him freeze and uncertain and has the urge to both run and see why the person keeps saying that.

The lost look is back on his face and he doesn't back away from Markus. But he's also not watching him, not really, more like he's seeing through him.

Edited 2018-10-18 08:05 (UTC)

He's not seeing him, and that's okay. It's okay, sometimes, to not be seen, to only be heard, and so long as he continued to hear him, that's good. There was only so much he could do, really, to change someone's mind.

Connor wasn't just anyone, though. He was another android, here, and from what Markus was getting about this place, there weren't any others around. Maybe they weren't friends back home, but they were definitely something to each other, just like Markus was something to a lot of androids. You didn't set androids free not to mean anything to them, after all.

He takes another step forward. "We are alive." Markus said softly, but firmly. "I know that I'm alive. I feel things that only someone alive can feel. I don't know what this place is saying, but if it's saying that we're, that you, are alive, then it's just further proof to me that we are."

Markus didn't need them to tell him he was alive to know he was, but the reassurance was nice, and welcome. He'd take it.

"You're the one who doesn't seem to understand. Not them."

"I understand how androids work!" Connor insisted with a sweeping gesture and he finally moves, turning away from Markus and he starts to pace. "I'm supposed to solve deviancy. Find the cause, figure out how it works and Cyberlife made me to find that truth, gave me the data I'd need." Except he had reason to doubt that now, didn't he?

"We're not alive. We can't feel." Except what he felt as a human feels similar to things he does now.

"We don't feel....feel joy or love or fear." He was afraid on the rooftop, he was afraid against the monster, he's happy to hear Miguel play, he wants Hank to approve of him.

"Anything that makes us think that is just an irrational instruction," he said, and there is heat in his voice, and he's not looking at Markus, moving. Fidgeting, seeming unable to keep still.

"Just because AIs from other worlds don't follow the same rules....just because everyone here insists on being kind, on humanizing something that just acts human to be comforting doesn't make it true," he said. More ranted, a hand running through his hair, needing to do something with his hands, needing to do something as his stress slowly climbs up higher and higher.

"I don't feel anything. I don't have free will, I'm not alive. I'm just a machine, designed to accomplish a task," he said, a repeated mantra. "And I'm going to accomplish my mission," he said and turned, eyes intense as he stared at Markus. "And you're going to help me."

Edited 2018-10-18 18:16 (UTC)

He stopped walking closer when Connor went on his rant, instead standing there and watching him with some worry. Was this what he'd been dealing with, for however long he'd been alive? Or here? Markus knew he himself would be pacing so much that he would wear a hole in the floor, and he wasn't a pacer.

"It's a very human thing to do, to lie to yourself to try to make yourself feel better." Finally says after a moment, and he looks at Connor like he's finally gone off the deep end.

Help him what? Find the cause of deviancy? Was that going to benefit him in anyway, he had to wonder. And if it would benefit anyone around here, to know what it was. Why couldn't they just be as they were?

"How am I supposed to help you?" A pause. "And why should I help you?"

All that and more. Because he could almost, maybe consider it. Consider that Hank was right. That maybe there was more to this than what Cyberlife said. But empathy is as much a strength as it is a weakness. And admitting there was something to this meant there was innocent blood on his hands.

The thing that made him want to believe made him terrified to believe.

"I'm not lying to himself. I test myself regularly, I know what I am," he said. At least he did whrn Amanda was here. Now its a lot harder to test himself.

And there's a shift at the question. The lost desperation melting because in the end, stopping the war was an in the moment added objective. It wasn't what he was originally supposed to do. He can at least make progress on that.

And he knew how to get it. "Because you want me to deviate," he said, confident and challenging. "You want me to think I'm alive. You want me to not be a threat. Killing you, capturing you, neither of those have a point here, but you're still a deviant. The first who can only run so far. You want me to change. I want to know what broke your program. Only way either of us gets that is interaction, so the question becomes who gets what they want first."

Because that plan can only go well for Connor.

Markus doesn't say anything for a little bit, because he has to process the possibilities that come from accepting, or denying something that they both know will happen. There was no way that either of them could go about their lives in this place and not interact with the other. Connor was the only person from back home that Markus had, here, to his knowledge anyway. He was the only other android in Nautilus.

He was the only other person he trusted, so far, here. So there wasn't a way for him to just ignore him, even if there was a part of him that wanted to say 'no'.

"I know you're not a threat." Says confidently, because at the very least, he knew that. Even if he didn't already trust him, there ewasn't much Connor could do here that made sense, like he said.

"So what you want is for me to tell you everything about me? Not just what my programming was, you want to know what makes me, me." Do you understand what you're asking, Connor? "You're right though. I want you to deviate; I want you to stop fighting yourself. If I help you, then what I require in return is the same. I want to know who you really are, not what they tell you to be."

Markus didn't see any way he could lose in this situation.

Connor knows there's no way to avoid each other. He knows because he's still in the building and not thrown into that damn river again. Nautilus has been testy with his supposed denial. The fact he's gone through this conversation without a swim meant Nautilus wanted him to keep talking to Markus.

Which meant even if they tried to avoid each other, something would make that not a viable choice. So its better he make this a situation he can get some control.

"I can be. You haven't been deviant a week. Passivity now could becone violence later and that would change the circumstances around killing you," he said bluntly. A warning, a threat. Because even if Markus spared Chris the day before he came to Nautilus didn't mean he wouldn't change his mind about nonviolence later.

And if Markus became a threat, killing him had a few less downsides.

"I am what they tell me to be," Connor said. "I don't make it a point to hide who I am." Just go deep in denial and miss slips. Like who instead of what. Like thinking this could end well for him.

~~Or maybe because this is the only path that could end well for him.~~

"And I have to observe you. Telling is simple and easy to lie, if you can even see parts of the truth. So I need to keep an eye on you, see how you manage to function, and make sure you don't become a threat to the people here if you get worse with your irrationality." Because for all that people here frustrate him, he still wants to protect them.

Ah, hit the one thing Markus didn't like about himself on the head there, Connor. The fact that with free will meant that you really were free to make choices that could be the wrong choices. Markus didn't want to be violent. He never wanted to be violent, but it was there, inside of him, that ability.

He could make the choices that would make North happy; make the choices that would hurt people who didn't deserve to be hurt, no matter what the outcome was. That he could become violent... that terrified Markus, and he looked down at the ground.

"I understand. You don't know me well enough to know if I'll stick with nonviolence or not." Markus looked back up, eyes meeting Connor's with a frown. "I will, but time will tell, for you."

And knowing you had a big brother on your shoulder, watching you in case you stepped out of line, that actually helped put Markus a little more at ease, even if it made his thirium pump pound.

"Then you can observe me, and in return for letting you observe me, you'll talk to me." Markus said a little slyly, just a hint of a joke in there. Observation wasn't what was going to cut it for Markus; you can't observe someone into deviancy, after all. So Connor would have no choice but to talk to him.

He caught that slip, Connor. "I won't be a threat to people, because I'm not irrational. I'll show you that."

Connor's eyes narrow a bit, taking in the uptick of stress before Markus spoke. Either he was intimidated or he was worried about violence. Considering how Markus has been very insistent on approaching him, it's the latter. The fact violence made Markus uneasy was....

Reassuring, in a way. He thinks. Maybe. Makes him a little more sure his plan won't blow up in his face, at least.

"Good. We understand each other then," Connor said. He frowned at just how pleased Markus looked. He knew this was dangerous. He knew things were...unstable in his code somewhere. But it was the best choice he had to at least do something of his mission.

He looks away, moving over to pick up his quarter and pocketing it. "Then we'll talk," he said, keep his voice even and calm. "Keep to nonviolence and that's all we'll do. Talk and observe."

Violence made him uneasy. Carl had instilled in him that it was wrong, but when it came time to being attacked... what led to his particular deviancy... violence wasn't the answer. It wasn't his answer, would hopefully never be his answer, but going to do it would be just so easy, sometimes.

He has no regrets about not doing it, though. If he went back now, he would still spare the police officer's lives, no matter what.

"Sounds like a deal." Markus went to move forward again, to shake his hand, but then stopped himself. That was one of the ways he could switch someone, and now... he didn't want to do that to Connor. So, instead, he retracts his hand, giving Connor a small, content smile.

"For as long as we're here, we'll talk and observe." Pulling out the smartphone, he looked down at it briefly, then back at Connor. There were questions he wanted to ask, but none that seemed right for right now.

"So what do we do, set up a daily coffee date?" That's a tease, since neither of them eat or drink, of course. "Meet up to take a walk once a day in a park somewhere?" There was a part of him that was wondering where the hell he was supposed to go after here, and where Connor was staying.

There had only been a brief period of his entire life where he felt like he didn't belong in a place, and he hated the feeling of it again. He missed people. Things. Home.

That...was a good question, actually. He was an investigator, not a scientist and this was definitely a more longterm study. He frowned, LED cycling yellow.

"It would be easy to lie for a short time in a routine," he said. Especially for an android. Usually catching a lie relied on judging stress and finding inconsistencies. An android can keep track of details of a lie better and stress was not an exact science.

...he had an idea and it was risky ~~and he hated it~~ but he had his mission and he needed to get the best possible results. Deviants were irrational, sure, but they did have self preservation before max stress.

"You do know if you harmed a child, there would never be peace for you, correct? Even under the worst circumstances, doing so would mean you're accepting that your life is essentially over here because there is nowhere to run?" He asked.

Edited 2018-10-19 04:02 (UTC)

That shocked him. It came out of nowhere, in his mind, but then again, it probably shouldn't have. Connor didn't know him well enough, but the idea of him hurting a child made him feel (Because yes, damnit, he did feel) disgusted.

It showed on his face. "I would never hurt a child." The usual calm in his voice was replaced with a different tone. "There are things in this world that you should instinctually know is wrong, and that is one of them."

He didn't know where Connor was going with this one. He understood not trusting him; trust didn't go both ways in the beginning. But still. Maybe he felt a little hurt that Connor would bring it up, as well.

Yes, that was the right word for that feeling. Hurt. Shocked, disgusted, and hurt. Taking in a deep breath he didn't really need, he nodded.

"If something like that happened, I'd expect you to come after me. And I wouldn't try to stop you."

"Androids don't have instincts," Connor said. Still, its a very obvious wrong and if this was anotger deviant, he wouldn't even ponder this. Markus, however, has shown enough functionality to direct a bunch of lost and confused machines. There had to be enough in there to not go totally off the rails without some warning.

"I would. Regardless if the consequences, it would make you too dangerous to be allowed to continue existing," he said. Because there would never be a reason for it. Miguel especially since he wants Connor to have feelings too. A nonthreat and probably be a little on Markus' side.

.....he was not approving of that thought, but he brushed it away.

"Then you'll live in the beach house. Constant observation will make it harser for you to fabricate a lie, maintaining an act at all times would be impossible for a deviant."

This android has instincts. This android has feelings, and instincts, and is alive and deserves to be free. Things that Markus doesn't have to say out to make them true. It was just nice to be able to say it out loud, too.

He doesn't say anything to that, though, because he had to agree with Connor. If he started hurting people, then he would be too dangerous to be allowed to continue to exist. As much as he didn't want to die, and he didn't want to die, he couldn't be allowed to hurt people. If he still had his LED, it would be flickering yellow just thinking about it right now, so he had to let it go.

Accept it and let it go. Because it would never happen. Right. Yes. It would never happen. Markus looked to the side, to where the door to the kitchen was, before looking back at Connor with more surprise. He was going to what?

"...What if I don't want to live there?" He was screwing with him a little bit. He didn't have anywhere else to go, after all, but still, he wasn't going to be ordered to live somewhere just like that.

"I don't know how safe it is for me there. I also don't feel like acquiescing to all of your demands is in my best interests."

Let him figure it out on his own? Ugh, you jerk :P

He's a very rude denial boy

Very rude, Markus disapproves.

He'll eventually get better. He's realized he's had some emotions and its The Worst

But emotions are what shows you're alive and all those good things!

But I'm not alive!

Tell that to your emotions~

Re: Tell that to your emotions~

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The difference not needing to worry about genocide makes to enable denial

Oh Connor, Markus sees those cracks and wants to help

Boy is a disaster, there's a reason he went 'kill me if you don't trust' to suicide mission

Gah, yes, that scene

He is just a garbage fire of emotions in a nice suit

That description has me laughing so hard you have no idea

:D Connor great at making people think he's sensible til they talk to him long enough its great

Markus just wants to be like... bro... buddy... my fair dude. You are not doing well.

He can join the Connor Pls Squad because be really is

He is definitely joining the squad

Instant friendship judging the denial boy

Connor, bringinging people together with his denail since 2030-something