gotosleep_idiot | OMEGLE MEME (stolen from Pretzels at Cape and Cowl)

because it's always funnier to be a jerk

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: FUCK YOU NIGGER
You: FRAG YOU TOO, FLESHBAG
You: YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF CARBON MOLECULES
You: YOU DISGUSTING SAC OF FATS AND PROTEINS
You: I SHOULD KILL YOU NOW
You: IF I KNEW WHERE YOU WERE
You: I WILL SETTLE FOR TAKING OVER YOUR MISERABLE PLANET AND RAZING ITS SURFACE
Stranger: I WILL RAPE YOU
You: I SINCERELY DOUBT YOU CAN RAPE AN AIRPLANE
Stranger: Oh buddy you haven't seen what I can do
You: I THINK I'VE SEEN ENOUGH
You: You are human
You: therefore mostly you can wander around
You: and explode in a shower of red when I step on and/or shoot you
Stranger: Oh you don't know I'm human bitch nigga
You: I am not a 'bitch nigga'. 'glitching knockoff afthole' perhaps
You: at least use proper terminology
You: stupid monkey
Stranger: Sorry nigga
You: No, now you've offended me.
Stranger: FUCK YOU NIGGER
You: Now I'm going to have to summon armies of killer robots to detonate your hometown
Stranger: I WILL RAPE YOU
You: Sorry is just not going to cut it here
You: What did I say
You: I am an F-15 Eagle
You: you could TRY
Stranger: SORRY YOU DUMB FUCKING AIRPLANE NIGGER
You: but with your human equipment it'd just
You: be really laughable honestly
You: YOU'RE dumb
Stranger: I AM A BEAR
Stranger: :O
Stranger: You
Stranger: Made me cry
You: THEN CRY
You: SIT THERE AND CRY
Stranger: Okay
Stranger: WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAP
You: That's what I thought

Stranger: hi
Stranger: wanna get married and have children together>?
You: I am unfortunately incapable of such an action
Stranger: aw why not
You: Because your species and mine are likely incompatible
Stranger: oh my
Stranger: y not
You: I am a silicon based life form; the vast majority of beings utilizing this system are carbon based.
You: Furthermore, at this stage in my life it would be illogical for me to either pursue a mate or generate spawn
Stranger: aw man
Stranger: silicon life forms are my favorite too
You: That is a logical conclusion.
Stranger: so what brings a silicon life form like you to omegle?
You: Curiosity and research, primarily
Stranger: oh thats cool
You: And yourself?
Stranger: well
Stranger: im looking for a husband or wife or a silicon based life form to get married to
You: I am afraid that as I stated earlier, I am uninterested in marriage.
You: My apologies. I wish you luck in your search.
Stranger: thankyou

You: Where are you from?
Stranger: usa, you?
You: Germany, originally.
Stranger: cool. and then you moved to the usa?
You: No. I went to England.
Stranger: cool. I always wanted to go there. :)
You: It was fun.
You: We bombed them.
Stranger: ....
Your conversational partner has been disconnected.

Stranger: Talk dirty to me
You: Um...
Stranger: Haha
Stranger: Asl?
You: ...what is that?
Stranger: Age sex location
You: Umm...
You: I'm not sure anymore...female, and...Nautilus.
Stranger: Age
You: I don't remember. I've lost track...
You: I'm sorry...
Stranger: What are you 90
Stranger: Virgin
Stranger: ?
You: Oh, those are the ones who can see Elizabeth, right?
You: I can see her.
You: ...so I'm a virgin...
Stranger: Sex blow jobs anal cum vaginas
You: What?
Stranger: Do you like
You: I don't understand anything you just said. Sorry...

Stranger: hi
You: Hello
Stranger: male
You: Yes
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello
Stranger: heyy
You: How are you this evening?
Stranger: good and you?
You: I must confess that i have been better, but so many people have been kind to me today that I can not help but have hope for humanity
Stranger: thats good then:)
You: I think so.
You: Sometimes I fear that in a world with so much anger and violence that there is no room for kindness. I am glad when that fear is shown to be wrong.
Stranger: mhm
You: I suppose that this is not the most cheerful of conversations. Have you read any good books as of late?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hello
Stranger: hi
Stranger: whats up
You: I've been working on my reading, but it is nice to take some time for conversation. And yourself?
Stranger: just hangin out around the house bored
Stranger: what're you reading
You: Commentary on the Sermons of Charles Wesley. I've read it before but I don't have very many books and it is one of my favorites.
You: I try to spend at least three hours a day in study, you see, but I haven't gathered the nerve to visit the library yet.
Stranger: woah haha that's pretty cool i guess
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello
Stranger: hi
Stranger: a/s/l/
You: Pardon? what does that mean?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: ....what is this...?
Stranger: no idea
You: Then what use are you to me?!
You: Foolish flesh creature!
Stranger: no use
Stranger: ur retarted.

==

Stranger: r u korean?
You: Korean...? You mistake me for an Earthling?
You: Fool! I am from the planet Cybertron!
You: And shall one day rule your pathetic world, draining its sources of energy!

Stranger: hi there
You: Hi.
Stranger: howre you
You: ...not sure.
You: A lot's been happening.
Stranger: in life?
Stranger: or in omegle?
You: In life.
You: One of my friends might have murdered another one.
Stranger: uhm
Stranger: for reals?
Stranger: cause thats pretty extreme
You: ...interesting word for it.
You: I know I should be doing something. I WANT to do something, but...
Stranger: hm
Stranger: and so you are asking randoms for advice?
You: No. I'm going solo. I'll handle it on my own.
You: But you asked how I was, and I answered.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: fair enough
Stranger: so
Stranger: why do you think one of yout friends might have murdered another?
You: She got it on video, and he woke up with blood on his hands.
Stranger: she got what on video?
You: The attack. He wasn't IN the video, but...
You: he uses a very distinctive weapon. It's really damning evidence.
Stranger: your friend uses a distinctive weapon?
Stranger: he fights enough people to have a destinctive weapon?
Stranger: *distinctive
You: Well, he's the only one in the city with null rays.
Stranger: uh whut?
Stranger: your freind fights with null rays?
You: Yeah.
Stranger: is he starscream?
Stranger: or one of the seekers?
You: ...yeah, it's...it's Starscream.
Stranger: wooooo
You: How did you know?
Stranger: cause i know my transformers
You: I didn't know any of them, before coming here.
You: They exist in your world?
Stranger: yes, as commercial entertainment
You: ...what? Really?
Stranger: yup
You: He doesn't seem the type to do that.
Stranger: do what?
Stranger: be entertainment?
You: Yeah.
Stranger: yeah, hes actually not on alot
Stranger: its mostly sam witwicke
You: Who?
Stranger: Ladiesman217?
You: No dice.
Stranger: well
Stranger: then i dont know
You: [shrugs]
Stranger: so who are you?
You: My name's Tally.
Stranger: ive never met anyone named tally. Cool
Stranger: Im Chris
You: Weird name.
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: lol
Stranger: so null rays then
You: Yeah.
You: Everyone's debating whether he killed her, and it's almost getting annoying.
Stranger: i dont remember starscream killing anyone
You: Well, he's killed before. Ratchet, and Cyrus. But I don't think he killed Sari. He wouldn't.
Stranger: well bumblebee did take that one shot
Stranger: meant for her
You: Speaking of, I have to go. I'm meeting him at the Pineapple to go over the security footage.
You: I think Starscream's forgotten he gave me the access codes. Oh well.
You have disconnected.

Stranger: hay!
You: Greetings
Stranger: how you doin?
You: Well, to be honest, not well.
Stranger: why not?
You: Well, you see. I have been framed for the murder of my own-... er. My own daughter.
Stranger: mmhm
You: Well, she's not really my daughter.
You: More like adopted daughter.'
You: But either way... she's missing and the entire city thinks ill of me.
Stranger: interesting
You: And while I usually enjoy the emnity of others, in this case, I simply miss her.
Stranger: well I gotta poop
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hello
Stranger: asl?
You: What is asl?
Stranger: you first
Stranger: asl means age sex and location
Stranger: are you korean?
You: Do not be silly. To what purpose should I give that information?
You: I am not. What is Korean?
You: Are you insulting my intelligence?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hello.
You: These random conversations are silly and pointless. What is the purpose?
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello.
Stranger: hi
You: This is quite dull. What do you do for amusement?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hello.
Stranger: asl?
You: This foolishness again? I hardly see why it ought to matter that I am female or where I am
You: And I most certainly shall not inform you of my age.
Stranger: i don't english well
You: Clearly
Stranger: understand hard
Stranger: sorry
You: You most certainly should be sorry. What point is there in participating in a communication forum that you are unable to adequately express yourself within?
You: How embarressing.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: Hello.
Stranger: nasl pls
You: What nonsense is this now?
Stranger: ha
Stranger: ?
You: You dare to laugh at me?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
Stranger: asl
You: Hello-- this again? What possible reason do I have to tell you?
Stranger: umm
Stranger: none
Stranger: it isnt tht important
Stranger: why dont you get off ur period an then come back and talk to me
You: You are surely the fourth or fifth person to ask that foolish question and I have yet to receive an adequate answer.
You: How dare you!
Stranger: i dont understand how someone could freak out over such a quasi-issue
Stranger: honestly
You: I do not 'freak out.'
Stranger: youd make more friends if you pulled the stick outta your ass
You: I do beleive that I would have more satisfaction if I were to take a red-hot metal rod to your fragile external male genitalia.
You: I hae no need of friends.
Stranger: it must be sad for you
Stranger: your life is so empty and meaningless
You: Nonsense. I possess everything that I desire.
Stranger: like a razor so you can cut yourself
You: I have several razors and I perfer to take my cut out of the flesh of those who dare to insult me.
Stranger: wow
Stranger: what are you
Stranger: from greek fuckin mythology
You: I am a Queen. I do not expect a no-one like yourself to understand matters of the State.
Stranger: oh i see
Stranger: makes sense now
You: Good.
Stranger: sso you have no friends so you come on omegle and pretend to be a regal queen
Stranger: sounds fun
You: I do not need to pretend to be anything.
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: HEY
You: Hello.
You: What is going on?
Stranger: nothing muchh and you?
You: Not much. Wasp is kind of bored. :( 'Bots keep disconnecting when Wasp talks to them. Wasp feels like nobot wants to talk to him.
You: :(
You: Stranger-bot isn't going to disconnect, is he? D:
Stranger: oh ims orry
Stranger: il talk to you
Stranger: :)
You: Oh, good! :D
Stranger: :)
Stranger: whats ur name
You: Wasp does not have many friends :( But that is because Bumblebot tells dirty lies.
You: Wasp.
Stranger: poor wasp
Stranger: go sting bumblebot
You: Wasp should >[
You: But Bumblebot's friends get in the way B|
Stranger: whos bumblebots friend
Stranger: a girl /boy you like?
Stranger: or a bully?
Stranger: why they get in the way
You: Medic-bot, Opti-bot, Ninja-bot (Ninja-bot is okay, Wasp guesses).
You: They don't want Wasp to get his revenge >[
Stranger: OH SORRY WASP
Stranger: im gona go
Stranger: i have to get off the computer
Stranger: i love you wasp
Stranger: bye :)
Stranger: <3
You: Thanks... :) <3?
Stranger: heart ::)!
You: :)!
You: <3
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: This thing on?
Stranger: i have a question
You: Okay!
Stranger: if was to ask an asian person
Stranger: ' what type of asian are you?'
Stranger: they should get offended?
Stranger: i don;t
You: Are asians easily offended?
You: It's not like they wear their factions on their chests or anything so sometimes you've got to ask.
Stranger: cos this girl had a major spaz at me for asking
Stranger: ' you're so racist'
Stranger: its like, wtf die.
You: ....you want her to die because she got offended?
Stranger: she slapped me.
Stranger: square on the face.
You: That's kind of a normal response, I think.
You: But wanting her to DIE? That's kinda harsh.
Stranger: shes not normal, she's asian.
Your conversational partner has disconnected

You: Hello, mate
Stranger: hey
You: what's crackin?
Stranger: Meh, nm, U?
You: Just working mostly'
You: or rather, looking like Im working
You: I don't have to do much work, yeh? Cause I'm sleepin with my boss.
Stranger: lol
Stranger: You sir, are a winner.
You: I know, right?
Stranger: Ya lol

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hello!
Stranger: i picked you a flower, but it was a venus fly trap and it bit my head :(, so i killed it and got you this piece of grass instead:D
You: That was nice!
You: Too bad the other flower bit Stranger-bot :(
Stranger: yes:(
You: Wasp is sorry to hear that.
You: Luckily, flowers do not bite Wasp very often.
Stranger: ohwell i got you piece of grass :)
You: Wasp is not sure what he will do with grass...
Stranger: oh damn
Stranger: your a wasp ?
You: ...Wasp is Wasp's name, yes.
Stranger: im confuzed :(
You: Sorry. :( Wasp does not want Stranger-bot to be confused.
Stranger: k
Stranger: can you explain please
You: Explain what?
Stranger: wasp ?
You: Wasp is Wasp's name!
Stranger: so your names wasp
You: Yes.
Stranger: k and your how old ?
You: Wasp has been operational for over one thousand stellar cycles.
Stranger: can you talk normaly
Stranger: and tell the truth
You: WASP IS TALKING NORMALLY! >[
You: WASP TALKS FINE!!!111!!1J!@
You: !!
Stranger: im sorry
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: i'm a guy looking for a girl who doesn't like thongs who wants to chat me through a hand job...
You: ...My word.
You: You don't get out much, do you?
You: I mean, really.
You: That's a bit forward, don't you think?
Stranger: not at all
You: Really?
You: You don't think that might disturb any woman you might run into on this strange chatterbox?
Stranger: haha if she's interested she continues, if not, she disconnects
You: Well, yes.
You: But still.
You: Rather rude, especially if you run into a classier sort of lady.
Stranger: i suppose so
You: It might be better if you tried a more subtle approach.
You: And in person.
You: Just my opinion, really. But I'm just a mendicant musician.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You: Hey! Welcome to Progressive!
Stranger: haha
You: So, what kind of deal are you looking for today?
Stranger: deal?
You: On insurance? That's why you came here, right?
Stranger: no
You: Oh.
You: Well...while you're here, why not build a policy?
Stranger: what do you mean
You: Here at Progressive, you can name your price and build a policy around it.
Stranger: - -!

Stranger: hello
You: Hello
Stranger: asl plz
You: 16/f/Nautilus
Stranger: 20 m india.
Stranger: nautilus ..
Stranger: wher is it?
You: Its'- well...
You: I'm not sure actually
Stranger: wt
You: It is where you go when you wake.
Stranger: ohe
Stranger: so wts up
Stranger: hw old u r?
You: I am currently attempting to find myself a solid body.
You: I said, I am made to be 16
You: however my actualy physical age is more like 2
Stranger: wts ur size?
Stranger: nw
Stranger: mns figure
You: I'm sorry?
Stranger: why?
You: I do not understand
Stranger: ur figure?
You: My figure is 1000101011100011010101001101001111000001010101010110100000101010101010101101010101010110101010101010101010010101010
You: Respectively
You: that is my source code
Stranger: ohhhh its vry large
Stranger: boobs size?
You: Oh. I see. You are one of those internet predators that preys on young women, hoping for naivety
Stranger: pussy depth?????????????????????????
Stranger: ya
Stranger: i m one of those
Stranger: any prob
Stranger: r nt u?
You: That is terribly unfortunate. I have taken down your IP address. Currently tracking.
You: Stay on the line, please.
Stranger: k
Stranger: i m here only
You: Very well. Pinged. You can expect the local authorities to pick you up soon, sir
You: thank you!
You have disconnected.

Stranger: how are you
You: I'm okay! Are you a boggle?
Stranger: no
You: Oh. Okay =D
Stranger: yup
Stranger: asl
You: Asl?
Stranger: 22 m usa
Stranger: u?
You: 22 m usa?
Stranger: how old r u
Stranger: are u male or female
You: Oh! I was seven yesterday, but today I'm eight!
Stranger: and where r u from
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi!
Stranger: helllo
You: Are you a boggle?
Stranger: ?
You: No? That's okay, I'm not a boggle either.
Stranger: whats a boggle
You: Boggles are boggarts are bogeymen are brownies!
Stranger: o
Stranger: i like diapers
You: I don't have any
Stranger: tell me im a bad girl
You: Why? What did you do?
Stranger: i wet my diaper
You: Are you not supposed to get things wet? I get things wet allt eh time! I keep dropping them in the bog.
Stranger: FUCK YOU U ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE
You: ?
You: I don't understand.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi!
Stranger: hey!!!!!!!
You: Hello!
Stranger: howdie!
You: Howdie! Are you a boggle?
Stranger: idk what that is soo ill assume that im not
You: That's okay; I'm not a boggle either.
Stranger: haha ok
Stranger: got any good black jokes?
You: Jokes can be black?
Stranger: they can be racist
You: Oh. What's racist?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hi!
Stranger: hello
You: Hello! Are you a boggle?
Stranger: why ?
You: I don't remember.
You: Boggles don't ask why alot, so I suppose you're not one.
You: but that's okay. I'm not a boggle either
Stranger: oh
Stranger: its good
Stranger: so what do you think about math
You: math? I don't like math very much
You: I'm not very good at it and I keep getting the numbers mixed up and then the Professor gets upset.
Stranger: hoho
Stranger: its not good :D
Stranger: asl ?
You: asl?
You: what is asl?
Stranger: age-sex-loc,ation
You: Oh!
You: Okay.
You: I was seven yesterday but I'm eight now and I'm a girl and I'm in Ralph-city, but everyone else clals it Nautilus, which is a stupid name for a city.
Stranger: :D
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
Stranger: asl
You: w-what does asl mean
You: is it going to result in something bad
Stranger: it means
Stranger: age/sex/location
You: o-oh okay
You: but i
You: don't actually know where i am right now
You: and i'm not really sure about age either and and i don't really know what 'sex' is supposed to indicate don't hit me
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: u-um. hi?
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: rawr.
You: AAAAAAAAH!
Stranger: hahahahaha supppppp
You: please don't do that again that was s-scary!
Stranger: hahaah oh oh my bad. :P
You: o-oh. okay.
Stranger: Rawr.
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Stranger: h0lyshitzz.
You: W-why are you doing that again?!
You: t-that's scary!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hi
You: h-hi
Stranger: whereu from
You: u-um...i don't know really
Stranger: age?
You: i-it's kind of complicated...
You: ...I g-guess a few human weeks...?
Stranger: f/m? i hope u know this question's answer :)
You: o-oh.
You: m.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hey
You: h-hi
You: are you going to disconnect?
Stranger: noo
You: e-everyone else I've talked to did.
You: I-I don't think they liked me very much...
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: probably because you said you're a guy
You: ...w-what's wrong with that?
You: I-I don't get it...
Stranger: sop trying to act like someone mentally unstable
Stranger: *stop
You: a-and then one person started yelling at me a-and-
You: ...
Stranger: I'm not a moron
You: I-I'm not mentally unstable...
Stranger: just a poor actor
You: I t-think...
You: ...w-what's an actor?
Stranger: lolol
Stranger: fail troll is fail
You: ....W-what's a troll?
You: That sounds scary too...
Stranger: OHNOES
You: AAAAAH
You: d-don't shout at me..!
Stranger: bughghghabfoyuvaloyufdvoyuavrp78gq23r2gp9g p9gr qgroyuav q23gbrva foyr8q2b oy8eafrv foyr8 qo83o8 qvi qvuafrkvukq vb3
Stranger: HEP MEH
Stranger: I R DIENZ
Stranger: DIE
You: I-I can't understand you..!
Stranger: NZ
Stranger: DIE'NZ
You: AAAAAH I-I don't get it what
Stranger: FOR GRATE JUSTICE
You: w-what's happening?
Stranger: i r guy
Stranger: who gon teech j00 a lesson
You: o-oh no PLEASE DON'T HIT ME D:
Stranger: Arsen
You: being hit hurts a lot
Stranger: pain?
Stranger: IT'S SOOOO GOOOD
You: p-pain is scary
You: ...y-you're starting to scare me now...
Stranger: wuss
You: w-what does that mean?
You: I-I haven't heard it before..
Stranger: it means..
Stranger: it's
Stranger: Over...
Stranger: NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You: AAAAAAAAAAAH WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AGAIN
You: D:
Stranger: cause u r wuss
Stranger: lulz
Stranger: u r gay
You: B-but--!
Stranger: I dare you to disconnect
You: I-I don
Stranger: disconnect and the yelling stops
You: I-I don't even know what t-that means...!
Stranger: DO IT FAGGOT
You: AAAAH NO NO NO DON'T HURT ME
Stranger: with your powers combined
Stranger: I'm Captain Planet!
You: ...W-what?
Stranger: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
You: ...
You: t-that's really really creepy...
Stranger: no wai!
You: ..what does that mean..?
Stranger: wanna see a pic of me?
You: N-no!
Stranger: yeah you do
You: No I don't!
Stranger: I have no shirt on ;)
You: U-um...
You: ...I don't get it.
Stranger: http://media.photobucket.com/image/moobs/sfcjrice/moobs1.jpg
You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
You: W-why would you even-
You: t-that's scary..!
Stranger: am I beautiful?
Stranger: loooooooove meeeeeee
You: N-no! that was really--
You: --really scary!
Stranger: you fail
Stranger: and fail\
Stranger: and u r gonna lose
You: ..
Stranger: the game.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Greetings!
You: Good evening!
Stranger: Same to you.
You: How does this evening find you, sir or madam?
Stranger: Quite well, doing statistical analysis of responses on omegle.
You: Oh?
Stranger: Well, gathering statistical data on how people are responding to the following query:
Stranger: are you a female looking for a male (horny)?
are you a male looking for a female (horny)?
are you a female looking for a female (horny)?
are you a male looking for a male (horny)?
or none of the above?
You: Ah...
You: Could you define 'horny?'
Stranger: Wishing to engage in sexual behavior.
You: I'm fairly sure I know what it means, but I want to be sure.
You: Oh! Oh, of course. No. None of the above, my dear sir. Or madam.
Stranger: Yay!
You: I've run into two of the male specimens so far.
Stranger: That means I don't have to disconnect from you.
Stranger: Yeah, the two majority responses are the second one and the last one.
You: People pick the last one, really? I didn't know folks were so open about that sort of thing these days.
Stranger: The "None of the above" one?
You: Oh!
Stranger: Yeah, a lot of people pick that one.
You: I was excluding the none of the above.
You: My mistake, my mistake.
Stranger: No worries.
Stranger: You have excellent grammar and an interesting conversational tone.
You: Well, I strive to be a loquacious and personable fellow.
Stranger: A worthy goal.
You: I like to think so.
You: Though, really, it's not always enough to keep yourself out of trouble.
Stranger: True
You: I had to burn down some fellow's barn. That was after they tried to kill me by nailing my tie to the railroad track, of course...
You: I liked that tie, too.
Stranger: Ah, burning would be the proper action.
You: Indeed.
You: Of course THEN they had to come to my workplace and shoot up the joint. Fortunately my cousin was around and he has a bit of a talent with firearms and so forth. Quite an evening, let me tell you.
Stranger: Sounds exciting.
You: If by exciting, you mean terrifying, I'd agree.
You: But yes, I suppose it was fairly exciting as well.
Stranger: Have you considered conquering Sealand?
You: Mmm. No, no.
You: I'm not much for the conquering thing.
Stranger: *nods*
Stranger: I wish to conquer peru
Stranger: with my vast robot army.
You: You have one of those?
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: Self replication technology is the only way to go.
You: Huh.
Stranger: I recommend reprap
You: reprap?
You: I'm not familiar with the term.
Stranger: It's a self replication project.
Stranger: Google would enlighten you.
You: ...google?
You: Isn't that some incredibly large number?
Stranger: the search engine at the URL http://www.google.com
You: Oooh.
You: Yes
You: That inernets thing.
You: Eh, excuse me a moment.
Stranger: The Internet.
You: I return!
You: And yes, that's what I meant.
You: Am I allowed to ask your name, or are we supposed to remain behind the veil of anonymity?
Stranger: You can ask.
Stranger: I am known by others as Bobby.
You: Bobby? Short for Robert, I shall assume. I go by Rocky.
Stranger: Yes.
Stranger: It is short for Robert.
You: Excellent, excellent.
You: Well. This has been a most stimulating conversation. Unfortunately, I do believe I must be going.
Stranger: Chau.
You: Fare thee well, fellow traveler upon the internet sea.
You have disconnected.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: Hey!
Stranger: Hello :)
You: What's happening?
Stranger: Just makin conversation, really. lol
You: Heh. That's cool.
You: Kind of refreshing. All anyone talks about here is sex. It's pretty awesome
You: My name's Leslie
Stranger: lol well i don't talk sex :p
You: You're one of the few, my friend
Stranger: and thank god for that. i like the other side of conversation better. haha
Stranger: just random bs
You: Yeah, I hear you
Stranger: but you'd probably rather talk to a sexy guy about how he craves a hooker, so i'ma gonna go elsewhere. lol
You: It's okay, I'm a guy.
Stranger: ....
You: Yeah, I know
You: Leslie is a unisex name
Stranger: thats my friends middle name, everyone still makes fun of him
Stranger: lol
Stranger: but honestly, i'm glad you're not a girl. talking to girls on here is a bit weird for me. cuz i can never tell if they;re straight or not
Stranger: hahaha
You: Does it matter whether or not they're straight? It's just for dumb conversation
Stranger: i actually like making real, random conversation. i've made a few friends out of doing so
You: Is that right? Man. I don't have that many friends.
You: People think I'm weird and creepy.
Stranger: Whys that? ll
Stranger: *lol
You: Well, it's like, I make death threats to people? Not very often or anything, there was like one time, three tops.
You: But anyway people treat you differently
You: They think you're some kind of stalker
Stranger: sounds like my brother a lil bit. lol
You: No shit? Hehe
Stranger: yeah its hard for me to judge people. cuz until they come out and tell you who they really are, you have no right to make assumptions.
You: But that's good, y'know? I always think people judge others way too fast.

Stranger: need girl for have cyber !
You: Greetings.
You: ... Err... 'cyber'?
Stranger: cam to cam
You: I don't believe that is a verb.
Stranger: so hot :$
You: That sounds uncomfortable.
Stranger: nooo
Stranger: why saying that ?
You: What is the purpose of this 'cyber'ing?
Stranger: so have good times with stranger ^^
You: Good times? Perhaps you could explain how it's done?
Stranger: hmm
Stranger: how explain.....
Stranger: having sex on cam :$
You: ...
You: Oh.
You: I... thought that human reproduction required physical contact?
Stranger: yes...
Stranger: but here, just for pleasure
Stranger: you know
You: ... This is a digital console. You can't actually touch your partner.
Stranger: yes it does not replace! but that's funny
You: I didn't think humans were capable of interfacing.
Stranger: do that then an stranger can see you...
You: I don't understand how two humans can mate using video.
Stranger: no mate just to spend quality time
Stranger: do you understand ? just mast*rbate on cam for the pleasure of other
You: 'Quality time'? But you said before that it was a form of sex.
You: 'Mast*rbate'?
Stranger: yes...
You: ... I'm not familiar with the term.
Stranger: i understand
Stranger: do you want try ? and if you're not satisfied we stop
You: You said you required a female.
Stranger: you a male ? ahah
You: Yes.
Stranger: fuck -_-"
You: I apologize.
Stranger: it's okay ^^
Stranger: u from ?
Stranger: china no ?
You: I am from Cybertron. But I am currently staying in the city of Detroit.
Stranger: ok
You: I'm sorry for any confusion.
Stranger: cybertron is a good planet
Stranger: :D
You: I am still new to your world.
You: It is. However, I am enjoying Earth.
Stranger: huhu
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Stranger: hi
Stranger: hi
You: Got it the first time. You don't have to say it twice.
Stranger: k
You: But hey, I'm a patient guy.
Stranger: anyway asl?
You: Wait, I know this one. American Sign Language, right?
You: Been meaning to teach myself. I've got all the time in the world.
Stranger: yaa
You: Why bring it up?
Stranger: hey firstly u tell me asl
You: I don't think I can tell you. It's a visual language.
Stranger: why
Stranger: ?
You: ...you're not the brightest bulb, are you.
You: It's for deaf people. You have to sign to them.
Stranger: what do u mean
You: Now, if we were on chatroulette, that would be a different story.
Stranger: hayyyyyyy please tell asl
You: Didn't I already say I don't know it?
You: Come on, kid, keep up.
Stranger: what's hasitation ?
You: What?
Stranger: for mentioning asl/
You: Can't you speak in complete sentences?
You: I'll never understand mortals.
Stranger: yaa i can
Stranger: but usually use short terms
You: Uh-huh.
Stranger: u atleast tell me your as
Stranger: so that i can talk to u as per that
You: My as?
Stranger: i mean age and sex
You: Immortal, male when I feel like it.
You: Which is all the time, but hey.
You: I could change.
Stranger: but immortal also has any age at present
You: Kid, I've been around for a long time. I don't know how old I am.
You: Why're you asking, anyway?
Stranger: so that i can talk to u as per that
Stranger: hayyyy u seems to be very clever
Stranger: so please tell me you location
You: Spelling things out certainly helps.
You: You should try it sometime.
Stranger: k
Stranger: thats good
Stranger: what is your occupation
You: "Occupation"?
You: I'm the lord of the freaking dead!
You: It's a thankless job, let me tell you.
Stranger: i think u r in mood of kiding thes time
You: Kidding!?
You: This is all because you stupid mortals have moved on.
You: I don't get sacrifices anymore, I just get my shortcomings told in story format to middle schoolers who don't care!
Stranger: now i m more exited to know your location
Stranger: please
You: Fine.
You: You want specifics, or a general area?
Stranger: no just country
You: Oh, that's REALLY general.
You: Greece.
Stranger: k
Stranger: fin
Stranger: now will u tell me age
You: We went over this: immortal.
Stranger: hayyyy
i allready told u nobody is immortal
You: Then how do you explain ME?
Stranger: ME?
You: Me. Hades, lord of the underworld? Hello?
Stranger: i cant do that]
Stranger: can u?
You: What, explain me?
You: Yeah, I can do that.
Stranger: then explain so that i can get som knowledge
You: It's a long story, though.
You: I'll try to slim it down for ya.
You: So Dad got Mom pregnant, but every time she gave birth, he would eat the kid.
You: And let me tell you, growing up in Dad's stomach was no fun.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
You: Where're you going? I wasn't done!

You: I said I identify as male, how much clearer do I have to put it?
Stranger: do u have a REAL penis ?
You: ... I... do I what?
You: What kind of question is that?
You: Why are you people so disgusting?
Stranger: im just making sure ur not a transvestite or some other fucked up creepo
You: A what?

You: Hello!
Stranger: helloo too....
You: I'm the wandering Niccolo, peddler of smiles!
You: And I
You: am going to make you a deal.
Stranger: nme?
You: Now...let's see...
Stranger: deal
You: wagon wheel, greenball bun, raw apricat...
You: normally costing 13000 Lucre, this set of merchandise can be yours for the low price of 5000 Lucre!
Stranger: okay. ..
i want to off..
Stranger: bye...
nice to meet you..
have a nice day
You: What?
You: You can't refuse this deal!
Stranger: op ne
You: Come back!

I did this as Cape and Cowl Starscream

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As Doc Ock

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Red was boring, so....no one wants to chat with G1!Megatron D:

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Don't judge me

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As Leslie Vernon. Warning. This got long.

I'm going to hell.

lol so rusty with him

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I don't even know anymore